There aren’t even words to describe how irritating it is when someone tells me that I need to take an honest look at myself or whatever bullshit, like are you kidding me?
I’m a goddamn fucking drug addict, all I do is take honest looks at myself and I hate what I see— that’s why I’m a fucking addict.
What part of that is confusing to the rest of society? I do drugs because I hate myself, I hate how dark my mind is and I hate that I can’t do a goddamn thing right, nothing makes me happy hence the reason I’m a junkie.
This makes perfect sense in my head, why can’t anyone else seem to comprehend it? Stop telling me that I think I’m a better person than I am, you’d be incredibly undeniably wrong. I know exactly who I am and just because I don’t share that knowledge or self awareness with you every single day, does not mean I’m oblivious.
Your eyes are brown, you know your eyes are brown, do you tell me every day how brown your eyes are? No because that would be fucking stupid and I’d tell you I didn’t fucking care what color your eyes were. Just like you should just accept that I know obvious things pertaining to my personality, all of which don’t concern you whatsoever.
Got it? Okay good, I’d hate for us to have another misunderstanding.
But since we’re on the topic of pointing out flaws in character and integrity, let’s flip the mirror to face you, cool?
That’s quite a large amount of guilt you’ve got dripping off of you, do you see that, did you know it was there? Wow, let me just remind you every day of all the friends you’ve gotten addicted to hard drugs who then fell apart. Is that my name on that list? Oh would you look at that, it is my name. Crazy, I’ll be sure to remind you of that as well.
Take another look and be sure you’re being honest, we wouldn’t want you to lie to yourself about what a shitty person you are.. what do you see now, your majesty?
Fuck, your mom looks so goddamn sad. I’m just going to begin reminding you of all the things you’ve done to your mother over the last few years and then I’m going to leave the room so you can think about this alone with your spoon. That’s probably the best way to handle this, it’s the only way you’ll learn not to hurt the people you care about. You have to be reminded, see there’s your brother, your dad, your sister and oh your grandma’s even there. Looks like the whole family joined us today, I’m sorry honey.. don’t cry.
It’s not a big deal, you’ve just got to accept who you are and then you can grow as a person!
Smile! Ouch, that really sucks doesn’t it?
I know, now imagine having to put up with that fucking bullshit every single day.
Now imagine doing that every single day while you also try to quit.. impossible. How could you even think of getting sober when you can’t stop hating yourself?
My life, welcome to hell.
By: Lauren Fanning / Bloody (MentalBloody)