II see you were talking about me… How sweet.
Sooo, I’m just looking over your tumblr and now I’m in fucking tears. Maybe because I’m a fucking heroin addict and I’m too sensitive for life. Or maybe its the fact that I read through this, and I can remember when and what we were doing around the time you posted what… And it was sitting in my house smoking endless heroin and meth. And then I look at that last sentence and want to fucking kill myself. And then I see your last post, and I really fucking hate myself…
What he posted:
“YOU ARE THE BEST FUCKING FRIEND ANYONE COULD ASK FOR AND I DON’T DESERVE YOU”
But im not a good friend … Because, no matter what you say, I did this too you. I put you in this position. I loved you, but still chose to feed your lust and bring you into my cruel decisions. I hate what I let myself let you get into and I hate myself the most when I see that last post and I realize, if it weren’t for me, you’d never even have had to go through any of this.
And it’s all because, I let my self go. I let the METH TAKE ME, AGAIN. And even though you wanted it, I let you have it. I let all of this happen, because HEROIN took control of my life and let me drag you down too.
And then, I see what I’ve become and know I don’t deserve you. I let drugs blind me and put you in the worst kind of danger. I love you more then anything, and I love how you can sit there and say it was so easy to get the fuck out. Because no matter how badly I want too, I CANNOT ESCAPE THIS. I am so grateful for you and that I barely see you anymore because I am affraid I’ll convince you to fall down this fucking rabbit hole with me AGAIN…
HEROIN AND METH RUINED MY LIFE, it consumed me and all that I am, all that made me yours. And I can’t get the fuck away from it. I can’t turn away. It’s holding me here, and it drives me crazy because no matter how hard or badly I want to or try to get clean, I turn right back around and dive in. Like I’m brainwashed. I hate my life and I hate what I’ve become. Heroin and Meth has made me THE WORST friend, mother, girlfriend, sister, daughter, you could picture. I AM A JUNKIE, nothing more nothing less.
By: Lauren Fanning / Bloody (MentalBloody)