Tick, tock. Moving hands on ticking clocks, my heart pounding in my chest, rain crashing against the pavement, the whistle of wind, cold and violent. I’ve come to realize that even when the apartment is silent, it’s never without sound.
Syringe now emptied— an unknown mixture of poisonous and potentially dangerous chemicals has entered my bloodstream. These demons are quiet, silenced and lay dormant once again. The speed at which my mind’s now racing is overwhelming, inaudible. My thoughts are hitting the gas, picking up speed and my breaks seem to be failing me. The tight grip on reality I possessed only moments ago has all but disappeared, leaving me with no concept of time. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
My eyes repeatedly dart back and forth— the clock, the door, my phone, another shadow. My vision has become clear and the world is all within my view but I can’t concentrate whatsoever. These noises are piercing my ear drums and it’s driving me to insanity, if I wasn’t there already. The clock, that fucking clock— Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
I want to think, I need to think of something other than the ticking, tapping and humming of every appliance in my apartment. I need to— think.
But I can’t sift through all the chaos, I can’t organize these scrambled thoughts and what was the cure, is now the cause. Reality is no longer within my comprehension and I’m beginning to feel as if I’ve completely lost my mind. Normally that poison cures this which ails me and instead today, it’s enabling. Goddamn that fucking clock, why do I care anyway? There’s no where I ever need to be. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
Is the insanity confided within the walls of my mind? Am I audibly screaming for the world to hear? It wouldn’t be the first time my neighbors my neighbors heard me scream at 1am. My eyes begin darting again.. from the clock, to my phone, that refrigerator humming.
Walls shaking. Ground spinning, vibrating. Eyes rolling.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock. TICK, TOCK.
By: Lauren Fanning / Bloody (MentalBloody™)