I FUCKING HATE….

It’s crazy how fast it happens, before you know it you’re talking about who’s going to sleep on the couch and when would be the right time to start seeing other people. No one ever plans for this outcome and when it happens we’re completely heart broken, maybe next time we’ll play closer attention. It’s unrealistic to believe two people can last together for the rest of their lives, forever doesn’t exist but for some reason loves makes us believe different. What happens if it all falls apart way sooner than you meant for it to and no where near your goal of forever? What happens when it falls apart before it even has a chance to start, what happens when you’re not able to fight anymore? No one tells us that part, even romance movies only show the best or the worst— who is going to teach us how to deal with the in-between? The “I know this isn’t working but I still love you and care about you” or “Even though I know we’re all wrong for each other and I’m an angry asshole, it still kills me to hear you sobbing on the couch.” Yeah, what do you do then? Because in the movies they’re either totally in love and live happily ever after or they fall in love, it falls apart… and someone dies or gets hit by a bus, there’s never a more realistic story plot.

I need someone to tell me how to cope with this, this in-between stage. I need someone to tell me how to be okay with someone I was just planning my future with, sobbing on the couch because I said it was over. Explain to me how I’m supposed to sleep soundly while she cries on the couch, how do I sleep knowing the cause is me? No one got hit by a bus, no one’s dead or marrying another women.. it just didn’t work and it fell apart without us ever really knowing it was. I still care, my heart still hurts for her but I can’t fight anymore and half of the time.. we aren’t sure what we’re even fighting for. I can hear her typing aggressively which means she’s likely writing about me, about what an asshole I am, how I left her, ignored her while she sat on the couch breaking down and every word she types will likely also be true. But there’s nothing I could do, still isn’t because if I went out there right now, put my arms around her and let her cry it out.. I’d be even more of an asshole than I am now. Because then I’d be leading her on and giving her false hope, so I stay right here in the dark.. listening to her while she falls apart. There has to be some kind of manual for the people stuck here, in-between in the middle.
Tell me what movie shows us that part, that’s the only one I’d be willing to watch.


By: Lauren Fanning / Bloody (MentalBloody™)


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